All smiles, no fear
I would give anything to go back to him that Year
Feeling happy and protected
When I also felt alone & neglected
Oldest kid, youngest heart
Was told to straighten up
Not to bend my wrist
But the not bending
was the hardest part
Kissed my first boy
At recess playing in the park
Playing house as kids do
I was me and he was you
Both played roles that we had seen
I was him and he was me.
Going back to this day I remember what the kids would say
“Da’Ante are you gay!?”
Not knowing what that meant
But realizing it wasn’t good because
Of the way it was said
I would deny and lie
Going deeper into myself until
There was no corner in my body
That allowed me to rest
Alone & confused with a secret
That I couldn’t tell a soul
Because I knew the damage it would make
I knew the toll
I heard grown ups around talk about faggots and queers
How’d they burn in hell and how it would end with cheers
I still smiled & sighed
But alone I cried
Asking god why?
Born an abomination I should just die
I wanted to be normal
To not be different
I wanted to like girls the way the other boys did
But I guess I missed it
I prayed for him to take it away
So I could truly say no when people asked if I was gay
But it was always there so I’m confused at when they say
It’s a choice you can change
Your not really born this way
It’s a phase just ask god and pray
I was a child asking adults for help and all they would say
Is your gonna burn
& you don’t want that so pray
It’s time to regroup and gather my thoughts because from what I’ve learned everyone’s lost.
Miseducated and stolen from truth
The weapon formed always misused
To breakdown and belittle justify
And ordain
I was a kid and I was taught self hate.
I’m going to heal you kid, just wait❗️
